The Spider
Posted on August 19, 2011
I slept like crap last night. I kept waking up, probably on the hour. I usually gauge the quality of my sleep by the duration and clarity of my dreams. Every time I woke up I couldn't make out if I had been dreaming or not, which really ticked me off. When I finally got up and checked the clock it was 6am. I put my head back down for a little snooze and then finally had a dream. Not too much to tell, just in a banquet hall with circular tables, and lots of people. I was in pajamas and thought it a good idea to sit beside an attractive girl my age who was wearing the same style pants. She was talking to me nice and I was warming to the thought of getting to know her, and then I woke up. Time to get up Adam, the days tasks won't do themselves for you. Honestly, if they did, that will be the day you check the website and there's nothing here. 404 Doman Expired. Wait no, scratch that, I'd probably write more.
So as I was finishing up my day I'm looking through the other office computer (where I usually sat to record the LTWA's and the first few AJOB's) for some old roofing photos I took from a jobsite two or three years ago. Anyway, I'm sitting there and my leg has an itch, and I roll up my pants and there's this shiner there, this pretty noticeable spider bite on my shin. So after popping it and cleaning out whatever Mr. Spider decided to leave me, I started thinking maybe that explains why I couldn't sleep. My mind went to those movies where people get spider bites and start to sweat and hyperventilate. I thought maybe I had a slight version of whatever that is. Who knows.
So far as I can tell, I haven't acquired superhero powers yet.
Anyway, so it's 10pm and my eyes are starting to get heavy. But I don't want another spider bite so this really sucks. Can I just go in there and explain to the invisible spider lurking somewhere in the ceiling or wherever that I don't want any trouble? Is there a chance I crushed it after it bit me? Honestly, I don't want to be bitten again. My shin still hurts. Is this because I didn't let all those ants drink my mango juice yesterday? I didn't kill them, I flushed them down the sink! Can't we reason with each other?
It's like that time I got arrested while standing at a bus stop and thrown in a holding cell over night after getting smacked around by some overly energetic football player looking police. I couldn't sleep properly for a week after that. I kept thinking I was about to get a smack in the head out of nowhere, or a sharp punch in the side. Lucky for me I didn't have to go to the hospital for X-Rays as a result of the spider. The spider won't fracture bones, it'll just eat my flesh or suck my blood or whatever spiders do. Maybe if I bow down and worship the spider it will leave me alone. That may have helped with the police. I figured if you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to worry about from the long arm of the law. Clearly I was wrong.
Maybe I can't reason with the spider. The spiders like, "Yeah yeah yeah, I hear what you're saying Adam, and look - because I like you I'm going to be honest with you, I don't care what you say or how nice you say it, I'm still going to bite you as soon as you fall asleep. Not because I don't think you're a nice guy and all that, but because, you stupid idiot - I'm a spider. It's who I am. It's what I do."
I'm not one for killing spiders or ants or whatever but I have my limits. For example, it's hard to be empathetic to a mosquito literally sucking your blood from you. You have that instinctual urge to slap it and hope it dies before it has a chance to stick it's dirty needle into your arm. Those needles aren't single use you know. Damn junkie vampire mosquitos, just going from arm to arm. Haven't they heard about West Nile and sharing needles and all that?
Wait, am I speaking in metaphor right now? Am I so tired that I don't even realize it?
10:18pm
There's no good way around this, other than sleeping on the couch or somewhere else. I don't want the spider to take up residence though, so that's not really an option. I'm not sure if I slept more than 2 hours last night. I wanted to go out tonight and do something, but then I realized all I'm going to do is whine about how tired I am if I go anywhere so it's best that I just stay in... and whine about how tired I am on my website.
Honestly, I even got dressed. I've showered and am sitting here in fresh clothes, and I'm starting to realize I did all that for nothing. I can't go anywhere. Where am I going to go? Get a coffee? Who gets coffee at 10pm at night? Crazy people, that's who. Should I go pass out at a friends house? I can't drive and be this tired. And who wants to hang out with tired Adam this late anyway? I was thinking to go downtown and see what's up, but then quickly talked myself out of it. Not because I'm being anti-social, but because I know all I'd want to do is start drinking. And I don't plan on tossing my sobriety away because I'm overtired and lacking proper judgement. I wouldn't hate myself in the morning, but I know I'd be pissed. I started writing a song - oh yeah, I was going to work on that some more, but then I decided to sleep on it. I have the framework and some verses roughed in. I know I say this all the time, but I really like this one, and I think it will be decent when I'm done with it. The chorus will go something like "You're not my girl, and I'm not you're man, let's stop over romanticizing the past"... that makes it sound a lot more depressing than it actually is. It's more of a being honest with where things are type song, in an almost humorous way. I shouldn't of even said anything. Now I'm going to spoil it for myself. But it's good though. I sat down on the drum kit and even roughed in some neat parts. If I had some decent mics around I'd 4 track it myself tomorrow, but I guess it will have to start like the others, as an acoustic recording.
10:30pm
Alright, I'm about tired enough to go give that spider a piece of my mind. If he bites me, I'm going to flush him down the toilet or something. If I don't tweet or post something new tomorrow, it was probably something a little more deadly than I had originally thought. Or the superpowers kicked in and I've found better ways to pass time now that I'm slinging webs and climbing walls.
Goodnight. Stay tasty, you fellow spider foodies.